The Pain Of Grief

It’s been said that grief is the price we pay for love…
As you know, I’ve been a Neonatal ICU nurse and a Licensed Grief Counselor/Coach for several years. I’ve heard many heart-wrenching personal stories about grief and loss.
I’m passionate about helping people learn more about grief because if you don’t grieve your losses, you will get stuck in your pain, impacting other areas of your life.
We must remember that to truly begin healing, we must endure the pain of grief. I know that doesn’t sound like fun, but it is necessary.
Grief is universal. We will all experience grief in our lives at one time or another. But, although grief is a universal experience, our individual grief is as unique as we are.
No one else can experience your grief the way that you do.
For example, you could have two siblings in one family. Each one has a different relationship with the loved one who has died. Because of that, their individual grief will reflect that relationship.
Grief does not look a certain way, so you can’t just look at someone and determine if they are grieving or not grieving.
The grieving process has several stages, including shock, numbness, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance, to name a few. There is no specific time frame for each stage. You may stay in one stage longer than another, or you may experience one or more stages at the same time.
Remember…
Grief is not linear. It is like a roller coaster of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
We live in a society that generally avoids grief and pain. We want to cover it up and numb it with drugs, alcohol, and other addictions.
But the thing is… grief has to be faced and worked through.
We were never really taught how to grieve and the importance of going through the grieving process.
You are not just grieving the actual death or loss. You are grieving the loss of what could have been, the future you could have had, and everything that goes along with that. Life as you once knew it is forever changed.
We pretend we are okay because grief hurts, and we don’t like experiencing pain. But grief is supposed to hurt. We have to feel the pain so that we can heal the pain.
Grief is not a sign of weakness. There is no shame in grief. It’s what God gave us to deal with our losses. It’s what helps us to eventually move toward finding our new normal.
Sometimes you feel okay, and sometimes you don’t, and that’s okay. There are no rules. This is your grief.
It’s okay to cry, be sad, talk, or write about your loss. It’s okay to think about and reflect on what you’ve lost.
Grief has to be dealt with… it doesn’t go away just because you ignore it or don’t talk about it. It just waits. It waits for you to deal with it.
Grief can be exhausting, scary, lonely, confusing, and painful, but if you decide to go through it and not avoid it or run away from it, healing will come.
Decide that you’re going to grieve well. Understand that grief takes time; don’t rush it. Be honest about your feelings and face your pain and your new reality.

Matthew 5:4 says…
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Be comforted.

Blessings,
Bevy