In my undying quest to care let me share a growing fear.
In like manner as there is a special bond between fathers and daughters, the converse holds true for sons and mothers.
As mothers it is perfectly natural to love and be protective of all your children and when the bond with your sons is healthy, you are a blessing and an incalculable amount of wisdom to their life.
On a cautionary note, however, mothers (married or single) can make the mistake of seating sons in the position of fathers or their significant other. If we are not careful, we will thrust adult responsibilities, and obligations on our sons in a manner that applies unnecessary burdens.
When our sons love us unconditionally it is a beautiful thing but when they are minors, we must always keep their age and development foremost in our minds.
If we are married, they should not be privy to our thoughts and discussions on adult matters…especially their father.
We must deal in that area as women, and not allow our sons to be pitted against their fathers because we chose to use them as our confidants. We must never ever forget that they are minors.
Furthermore, if we are single moms, our sons ought not be privy to the details of our personal life. Yes, they may be the man child in the house, … but they are not the man of the house.
They should not be forced to carry that weight before their time.
It is one thing to teach our sons responsibility, but we must always remember that we are the adult in the house. It is the nature of sons to be protective of their mother and siblings, and this is in no way a negative quality, nevertheless it can be misguided and injudicious when they are treated like, and given, the authority of a grown man.
We are not encouraging our sons in their academics, and passions to one day take care of us. alternately, we ought to be training, rearing and encouraging our sons to be successful for themselves and their future.
It is wise to remember the young boys we are raising will one day be someone’s husband and father. It will be very hard for our sons to be competent husbands one day if they are married to their mother.
I know this is a touchy area, and many mothers believe that no woman will ever be good enough for their sons. We must keep in mind the way that made us feel as women. Some women that are married battle with their mothers-in-law on this very issue.
They find it hard when their husband tells his mom everything that is personal, or the well-being of his mother supersedes his obligations to his very own family. Some wives have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with mothers that manipulate their sons, and the wife suffers.
Ladies, if we know this, we must break the cycle. It is important to raise strong young men that can stand on their own feet with solid values. We must produce men that can think for themselves, and make sound decisions.
When we have done this, we can give advice, and impart wisdom but we must let them live. We must allow our sons the room to grow, make choices, and build a family.
When we allow our sons to be their own men instead of our men, we hold them accountable for being strong men. In this sense we validate the strength that will be the foundation of the family they will build.
When he is young, if your decision- making is off it could get him hurt, or killed, trying to defend you when you needed to be the adult in the situation. When you make him your man, adult pressure is applied to a child.
Lastly, you risk stifling his ability to flourish, and embark on creating his own family. As a mother I love my sons dearly, and raised them with the idea that one day they will be strong men and make some woman very happy.
We must always be mindful not to live through our children. Your son will always be your son… he will always love you. It is important to let him be a minor for as long as he can while he is learning how to be a strong competent man.
Let him learn how to love a woman from watching you be the embodiment of class and grace. When he is a man with a solid foundation…he will thank you.
Aleuta continua ——— The struggle continues.
