Dr. Alwin Spence
In most organizations and institutions such as colleges, foundations, corporations and small businesses, there is a written document that explains their aims and objectives.
For my last two articles my focus was about Parenting.
It suddenly dawned on me, is there a “parent document” that explains the aims and objectives of a parent?
Yes, I found one and I will pass it on to you.
It was written by Thomas W. Phelan in his book, “Self-Esteem Revolutions in Children”
Here it is:
A PARENT’S MISSION STATEMENT:
My children didn’t ask me to, but I chose to bring them into the world. What I’ve gotten them into is an adventure and
a joy as well as a struggle. My job is to prepare them for it—and to enjoy them while they’re with me. Eventually, though, their lives will require that they live together with other people, eventually work in some way, take care of the only body they’ll ever have and maintain considerable self- control.
I will do my best, therefore, to offer them the following things. I’ll commit myself to giving them what they need to get started and I will be committed to them, successfully leaving me someday. I will always be committed to their welfare, but
I will not accept everything they do. My job is to provide them the basics—food, shelter, clothing, and warmth, but it is also to teach them how to live. I’ll teach them rules and values and expect them to abide by them. I will also give them freedom to explore their own interests and ideas within the limits that life and society provide.
I will try to become an expert in being a parent. I can’t instruct my children well unless I have confidence in myself as their guide.
My job as a parent will not be simple, either from an intellectual standpoint, or from an emotional one. It will be complex and will often produce significant emotional strain on me. This I’ll try to see as a normal part of the job. At certain times I will be
required to provide firm discipline and, at other times, warmth and affection.
I can’t do everything for my kids. I could not, even if I wanted to. Most of their work and suffering I can ‘t take away from
them. At times, in fact, I will have to be the one who triggers their frustrations and tears. I realize that their self-esteem will come partly from how I accept and treat them now, but later—when I am less important to them—it must also come from their being able
to live their lives well.
I want my children to be successful and to be able to judge themselves fairly. I know they will be their own true judge soon enough, and I want the judge inside them to be fair and reasonable. I want their judge to push them but also to be compassionate when they make mistakes. They don’t have to be the best in everything they do, but they still must do well.
There is a lot of work to do in any walk of life, but I also want my kids to have times when they don’t judge themselves at all,
good or bad. I want them to be able to play—as children and later as adults—and to have times when they simply enjoy being alive.
I want them to experience the fact that, although it is important, there is more to life than self-esteem.
I will continue to be aware that my children will leave my unconditional acceptance and love for a world where love is conditional, and competence is required for self- respect.
My job is to prepare them for these basic revolutions in their lives.
