Dr. Alwin Spence
In the 60’s and 70’s, a new concept of schooling was introduced particularly to some urban districts. It was in response to the poor discipline poor learning, inadequate services, unqualified teachers, very high drop-out rate, and sometimes total chaos. These schools were labeled Inner City institutions since most, if not all were in cities in the United States and Canada.
Because of the threatening condition of these schools, educators and psychologists frantically searched for answers to remedy this condition. Eventually it was determined that the reason for the poor discipline in these schools was that the self-esteem was very low among of most of the trouble-making students.
How to improve the self-esteem of these students became the pre-occupation of many scholars and researchers. To add to the problem was the fact that in these inner-city schools, there was a strong representation of minority students, Blacks and Latino. So, what is this Self- Esteem?
Let me begin at the beginning.
What does it take to raise a child? What does it take to be a good parent? Most would say that good parents provide two very important qualities: self-discipline and self-esteem.
Self-discipline involves, controlling obnoxious behavior, such as arguing, whining, and fighting, as well as encouraging good behavior such as proper eating, going to bed on time,
doing homework, doing chores, and getting along with others.
Parents should not allow themselves to be manipulated by tantrums, threats.
or badgering and they should be mindful that their own discipline practice will become that of the child.
But discipline is just one half of the solution. The other half is that parents must do things to make children feel accepted and to realistically believe in themselves.
Parents want to know that their children feel that they are loved and that they are competent, and that they will be able to handle life’s challenges now and in the future.
This is the essence of self-esteem, which also includes, affection, active listening, genuine praise, shared enjoyment and laughter with family and friends.
Self-esteem building is then that practical commitment to caring for the physical
and emotional needs of the child.
As a parent, your children must know that you are at their backs so there is no need for the fear of falling. They know someone is always there to catch them or cushion the fall.
Raising children is an active endeavour, and parents must have a sense of what they want for the child.
Is a teenager ready for the role of parenting?
Parents must also know that self-esteem undergoes several changes as the child grows, starting out as a love base matter fed by unconditional love from the parents, then.
becomes rooted in the child’s competence.
While the parent worries, the infant tries and tries to climb the stairs, until it reaches the top,
looks back and smiles. The child has conquered the activity of climbing the stairs, and self-esteem is enhanced, as the child moves on to other conquests.
From a competence base, self-esteem becomes increasingly complicated in later years add the dimensions of character building, academic performance, relationships, romantic appeal and career choice.
Success in all these categories is possible, but at times academic self-esteem may be high but romantic self-esteem may be low. As the child grows, good or bad self-discipline, and high and low self-esteem, become more of the child and less of the parents. But parenting in the broad sense is for life.
Research supports the idea that children need both discipline and self-esteem to grow up psychologically healthy.
Self-Esteem is closely related to two other popular concepts, self-concept, and self-equity. To simplify this relationship, the good or bad things said by significant people to the child will be internalised by the child. That is the Self-Concept. The
interpretation of this Self-Concept will cause the child to feel a certain way, high or low. That is the self-esteem. The child reacts to the feeling, and that is self-acuity.
So, if one examines these Inner-City schools and their population, the remedy would obviously be to control and change the perception of the students from negative to positive and self-esteem will improve and behavior will also improve.
But the activities of the majority population are slow to change, so the role of the parents and the minority communities becomes even more important as they totally assume the responsibility to build positive self-worth in their children.
Rev. Jesse Jackson went to several schools and had Black children proudly stand and chant: ‘ I AM A SOMEBODY.’ Black parents sang along and danced with their children to the music and words of,’ YOUNG GIFTED AND BLACK.’
Today, the self-esteem of Black children is competitive despite the slow positive change of the larger community.
Self-esteem is an indicator of how well the job of growing-up is going. Children are constantly evaluating themselves, sensitive to how they are doing, and for the most part, they want to do well, they want to get good grades.
Even younger children often ‘bite off more than they can chew.’ In the beginning self-esteem is often brief, based on concrete events in the here and now. A moment of pride or frustration, then it goes. As the child grows and memory develops self-esteem becomes more stable in the child’s mental space.
At the level of adolescence, evaluation of the self is constantly taking place. The feed-back from significant others is very important to the adolescent.
Other conditions that will impact on self-esteem include geographical moves, changes in physical appearance, changes in romantic relationships, anxiety, and depression.
Children need to develop their strength, physically and mentally, by conquering challenges and overcoming their own failure and frustration.
Parents can help, but they should never take away the responsibility from the child, or even act as if there is no problem.
A parent cannot at the snap of a finger crown or invoke self-esteem on the child.
As one writer said, ‘ what a parent should do is to help the child to earn their self-esteem.’
